Who You Are Matters More Than What You Do

My wife and I love to have adult time. When you have 2 little ones, both of you have jobs, and you have developed a dependence on sleep (gotta have at least 5 hrs. a night!), time together and time with other adults is a much desired luxury. We love to get together with our small group and talk… about anything! Small group time centers around whatever we’re studying but inevitably it also centers around each other’s lives. Reconnecting and sharing. Laughing and praying. 

We have been blessed to be a part of a group made of excellent parents. We are so blessed to get to “talk shop” and learn from others who are on the journey of parenthood. We have gotten helpful hints and super strategies for everything from meal time to bedtime and from discipline to potting training. So many ways to be better parents.

One thing that I have also learned is that who you are matters more than what you do.

Good parenting techniques are essential to discipline and motivate our kids. But our children’s character hinges on the traits that we exhibit as parents. And who we are as parents isn’t left to fate, luck, or chance. We can choose to be the kind of parent we want to be. Many of the things about your child’s life are unpredictable and beyond our control. But we can make certain our children have parents with particular qualities.

Our traits matter because our children are watching us more closely than we realize. Remember Harry Chapin’s classic song “Cat’s in the Cradle”? This song depicts the tale of a father with his newborn son. The chorus begins:

And he was talking ‘fore I knew it, and as he grew,

He’d say, “I’m gonna be like you, Dad.

You know I’m gonna be like you.”

The song follows their relationship through the boy’s tenth birthday, his college years, and finally the father’s retirement. The son, who has moved away and started his own family, picked up on the one quality his father hoped he wouldn’t pass along—the quality of being too busy for relationships. The father has called his son to se if the two of them can get together. “I’d love to, Dad, if I could find the time,” answers the son. The final chorus goes like this:

And as I hung up the phone, it occurred to me,

He’d grown up just like me.

My boy was just like me.

The song is a reminder to take stock of the traits, good and bad, that our children observe in us. Being a parent—not just doing parental things—is the most important calling we will ever have. It’s also the most rewarding calling of our lives—especially when we are the parents we want to be.

Next time…developing the character traits of a effective, godly parent.