Empathy

Ask any marriage expert and they will tell you that the key to a marriage lasting (read: surviving) is how the couple handles conflict. Everyone knows that conflict in marriage is a reality…really, conflict in any human relationship is a reality. If you are married, you will experience some conflict from time to time. The key to a marriage lasting is how that conflict is dealt with. If it is dealt with in a healthy manner, that marriage will most likely last. If the conflict consistently results in unhealthy exchanges, that marriage is much less likely to last.  But if you were to ask a marriage expert what the key to a happy, fulfilling marriage is (read: thriving) and many will tell you the key is empathy. Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott have recently written a book on this topic entitled Trading Places. The Parrotts very strongly believe that being able to put yourself in your spouses shoes and to understand what they are feeling, what they are experiencing, is vitally important to having a marriage that thrives. It’s important because whenever we put ourselves in our spouse’s shoes, we become educated. We understand each other. And our understanding helps us love.

I think that there is a corollary here that applies to our nation. How we handle conflict determines whether we will survive as a nation. And how we place ourselves in each other’s shoes (how empathetic we are) determines to a great extent whether we will thrive as a nation.

There have been times in our nation’s history when we put ourselves in others’ shoes…a time when we didn’t look for our own interests only. When how our neighbor or the person across town or across the country mattered to us just as much as it mattered how we were doing. There have been times when we were ready to do whatever it took to improve someone else’s lot in life. We saw it during World War II as the nation banded together, made personal sacrifices, so that we could win that war. We saw it during the civil rights movement of the 60s when blacks and whites worked together to bring greater fairness and equality to African Americans of this nation. We saw it embodied in President Kennedy’s words: “Ask not what this country can do for you. Ask what you can do for this country.”

I’m afraid that during my lifetime, we’ve seen many examples of the opposite. We’ve seen a period of time where the most important question asked at election time is, “Am I doing better now than I was 4 years ago?” We’ve seen corporate greed and corruption at unprecedented levels. We’ve seen millions of babies aborted because their birth was going to be an inconvenience to the parent(s).

This is very different than the faith community that we read about in Acts 2: “All the believers were together and had everything in common. Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need…They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts…” These early Christians got it right! They put others’ needs ahead of their own, living in authentic community. This is a model not only for today’s church but also for the kind of shalom that God desires for our communities and our nation.

I’m excited when I watch the generation of teens and young adults who are growing up today.  I’m excited because community and relationship are vitally important to this generation.  Sharing and working together matters to them in ways that it didn’t to many in previous generations.  While they don’t get it perfectly, their heart is in the right place.

I’m hopeful that we’ll all get it right.  As our nation struggles to right the ship in this time of financial difficulties, I believe that a key component will be relearning to live in community.  Learning that we are all valuable and that what affects my neighbor affects me.  Learning to make decisions based on the common good and not just my good.  And if Christ’s church can lead the way in rediscovering this principle, she will bear witness to Christ’s love and compassion for all people.